Take your rules and shove em!

I just read an article published by the New York Times, Readers Offer Their Own Restaurant Rules that made my blood boil. I have a few things to say back to these readers:

Never, ever serve food over a baby/child. If you scald a newborn, there’s a chance the father will take your life. — Peter

Well, Peter, if you’re such a concerned daddy, get your child out of the way! This is a restaurant, not a playground. There are hot dishes and obviously if your brat got in my way and I accidentally spilled somethin, this is your fault for not having better control over him.

Look at the name on the credit card. When I’m using my card and the check goes back to my husband, guess how generous I am with the tip! — M. J.

M.J., you’re a psycho. What is the difference? Is he so incompetent that he not only couldn’t pay the check, but he can’t pass it over to you?

Do not spontaneously suggest a wine choice. Do not assume a 27-year-old doesn’t know anything about wine. Do not automatically recommend the most expensive, or nearly most expensive, wine. — D

Well, D, if you know so much about wine, don’t ask for my suggestion!

WAIT STAFF PLEASE DON’T EVER EXTEND A HAND FOR A HANDSHAKE!! This falls under the category of never touch a customer but this issue needs to be specifically addressed. It suggests a level of familiarity that is inappropriate and I have zero interest in touching the hand that is exposed to all of the dirt, germs and yuckiness of dirty plates, food etc. — Michael

Michael, I don’t know how else to say this: You’re an asshole! Servers are people too, and if our hands are good enough to serve your food then I promise you won’t catch cooties from us. Don’t worry I don’t want to touch your disgusting hand anyway, you sorry excuse for a human being.

Don’t take the final sales slip or payment before the guests leave. I find it outraging when a server takes the completed bill (showing my tip) before I’ve left. — Keith T.

Keith, if this is happening you probably should have left 30 minutes ago. And you’re probably so outraged because YOU’RE CHEAP.

NEVER, NEVER approach a table carrying dirty dishes from another table. — Tammi

Well then, Tammi, stop bitching about how you’ve been sitting for a whole 5 minutes and haven’t seen your waitress yet and maybe we wouldn’t have to go to such extremes.

Have no television, or always have seating nowhere within view or earshot of one. Not everyone  cares about “the game.” — Brad Willett

Well, uh, don’t eat at a sports bar!

My biggest pet peeve of eating out — when the waiter asks you how everything is while your mouth is full. How can you possibly answer?! I can’t help but think they do it on purpose. — ECA

Oh yea, I sat across the room and watched you take a mouthful before I came over to do my job.

And please don’t say, “Are we ready to order?” I didn’t invite you to eat with us. Also, please don’t squat down to take our order. If you wanted to be a baseball catcher, you are in the wrong business.  — Trudy R.

I guess your name is Trudy cuz you’re oh so RUDE-Y. And by the way, your server doesn’t want to squat down to take your order and see your ugly face at eye level; management makes us do this at certain food chains.

As always, people are outrageous.