Managers

I've noticed a trend in managers of restaurants -- they are idiots.

I've been super sick since Friday. My voice is practically non-existent, my body is aching, and I'm really, really tired. I was scheduled for a double on Saturday but there was no way I was going to make it through. I called out for the morning half of the shift to which my manager reluctantly obliged (he probably only said yes because the sound of my voice scared him).

I showed up to the evening shift looking like the walking dead. I'm sure any guest sitting at my tables wished they could have any other server than queen of the snot. And I mean... I really couldn't blame them. I wouldn't want some sick little twit breathing all over my food either. I begged for them to send me home. I clearly wasn't faking it; I was visibly and audibly ill. They would not. 

I'm not sure what I did to warrant such torture, but I stuck it out. Not only is forcing me to work bad for my health, but it's bad for the restaurant's health is several ways.

1- I'm spreading my germs around to my coworkers who will later need to call out.
2- I'm spreading my germs around to guests and
3- a mopey, drippy looking server isn't exactly representing your restaurant in the best light. People are going to think it's a dirty place. We all know dirty and food do not mix.

I decided before I left on Saturday night that there was no way I would be showing up on Sunday. I called to let my manager know I wouldn't be there and I could not believe the hard time he gave me. He told me I could not call out unless I found someone to pick up my shift. I can barely muster up enough voice to speak to him, but  now I have to call half the staff to see if they'll work for me. Ok. I can actually live with that. I called everyone and, of course, they could either not work or didn't answer. I call him back and tell him to which he responded "Ok well take 2 tylenol, gargle with some salt water and get your ass in here." IDIOT!! I am not coming in! 

Then... are you ready for this? He says the most unprofessional, out-of-line thing... I seriously thought I was hearing things. "Well maybe if you weren't out all week drinking you would be able to come in for your shifts."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't drink. And even if I did, I didn't know laryngitis was the sign of a hangover - oh wait, because it's not, IDIOT!

This is just the tip of the iceberg of the stupidity that is restaurant management.

I actually heard one story of a girl getting fired for writing about her job on facebook. It's actually pretty funny.

I guess we know why I'll never be sharing my name on here ;)

The Camper and The Drowner

When serving, you meet so many different types of people but there are two that I run into frequently that I could definitely do without...

The Camper

Servers refer to people who sit at their tables for an extended period of time as campers. You serve them drinks, appetizers, entrees, desserts, and after about an hour of serving them, you drop the check off. The camper pays, but two hours later is still sitting at your table.

In busy restaurants, most servers get a 3 or 4 table section. Friday night I had a 4 table section. At one of my tables sat a party of 4 very self-involved guests. These people barely wanted to engage in conversation long enough for me to take their order. Every time I checked on them I felt like I was a bother [makes me wonder why you came to a restaurant if you didn’t want your waitress to do her job]. After they seemingly wrap up with dessert, I ask if they would like the check to which they respond, “You can bring the check, but we’ll be sitting here for a while.”  They wound up sitting at my table for 3 hours, which is practically half of the night.

What gets me about campers is that they don’t understand the economics behind serving tables. They will sit at your table forever and a day and still tip based off the check total. Campers never realize that in the time they’ve been sitting there, I could have had at least two more parties sit there and make approximately $10 in tips from each.

So my Friday night campers, true to form, tipped an 18% gratuity after sitting there for three hours and when the night was over, I wound up taking home the same amount I did on Saturday night with a three table section.

The Drowner

This one always makes me laugh, and insights usually rude responses from me. The drowner looks like they are literally drowning: one hand straight in the air flailing around to get the server’s attention.  If you go out to eat, please never do this. It is absolutely rude. Some variations of the drowner would be the snapper, the whistler, and the yeller.  It seems people often forget that they are neither the only people in the universe nor the only guests in the restaurant. There is no need to embarrass yourself, drowner, to ask me for a simple glass of water. I’ve already checked on you three times during the course of your meal, and I will most likely be at your table again in a matter of minutes. Take a deep breath.

In case you were wondering, when my guest did this over the weekend, I actually laughed in his face and asked him if he was drowning. He didn’t get it at first but when it hit him he sheepishly said, “Ha, you’re so funny.”

I love kids... but not at my tables

I don't know how to say this, so I'll just come right out with it.... PLEASE CONTROL YOUR CHILDREN WHILE DINING OUT.

I have to say the worst shift to work at a restaurant is Sunday lunch. Not because I'd much rather be sleeping in, or because I'm still recovering from my Saturday night rager turned Sunday morning hangover, but because of the countless families bringing their children in for lunch.

Along with these children come several annoyances. Loud noise would be one of them. "Oh yes I'll take my burger with a side of WAHHHHHHHHH" (that would be a baby breaking into a cry so loud it makes you consider retreating to a bomb shelter). Not only is it difficult to take your order with all of the noise, but it's also keeping me from providing my other guests with great service. People usually go out to unwind, not to have your crying infant deafen them.

A growing trend that's been spreading in some restaurants along the east coast is banning children under the age of six from dining. ABC actually broadcasted a piece about it last summer:

Why, oh why can't my restaurant implement this ban?!

Aside from all the commotion, what's with parents letting their kids run around restaurants like they're in a playground? A server buddy of mine told me that last weekend, a family waiting to be seated let their five-year-old go play at one of her dirty tables. Not only is that completely unsanitary, you're also making the server's life 10 times more difficult. I mean, it's hard enough to carry around hot plates so heavy you practically need to be a body builder to lift them, but now we have to watch out for your munchkins running about as well, because GOD FORBID anything falls on your kid. Then it would be the server's fault, right? WRONG. It would be your fault for not keeping control of your child.

The next issue: children are picky eaters. Most restaurants have children's menus that accommodate the underdeveloped palate. This worked for me when I was young. My mom would give me options OFF OF THE MENU (I'd usually settle for a grilled cheese sandwich with French fries). But now I've noticed some new parenting styles ::cough cough:: [giveyourspoiledbratwhatevertheywant] ::cough cough:: that make life far more difficult for everyone.

I had a parent demand that our kitchen make his little precious spaghetti and meatballs. I explained to him that we didn't have that on our menu. The kid threw a fit! The father wouldn't take no for an answer, so I wound up modifying one of the dishes on the kid's menu, a hamburger, to almighty hell. Hamburger, cooked well, no bun, cut into small pieces, sub side of fries for buttered noodles (which is not even a side, but a dish all in itself), add side of pizza sauce... ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

Be a parent. Tell your child he is having a hamburger or he's having nothing at all. I bet that would put an end to his little temper tantrum.

But my BIGGEST issue with kids eating out would have to be the mess they leave behind. Food all over the table, coloring books, crayons scattered about, plastic kids cups with the lids off and liquids dripping out. And then I get yelled at by my boss after they leave because the table is a disaster area... 

Please people, if you want to take your kids for a fun night out, go to Chuck E. Cheese. If you're looking for a night on the town, call a babysitter.